So, anyway, I got offered a job in Johannesburg for a year starting this September working for a HIV / AIDS charity. And I thought, yeah, go on then. I guess I need to start “preparing” for this jaunt from the UK. Here’s my plan so far:
Task: Clear the decks of all emotional involvements.
Progress to date (out of 10): -5. For some reason, threatening to bugger off for a year has made me more attractive than any amount of that Bumble&Bumble curl cream. (£25 a pot! Count it!) Actually, make it -7 cos I haven’t told mother yet.
Task: Get a rudimentary grip on digital technologies.
Progress to date: +3. I’ve got a blog, apparently! I’ve also ordered one of them Ipod 30MB things. Next is a digital camera. Once I’m not only equipped, but am in command of these three digital commodoties, I will at last no longer be a horrendous hypocrite who gets paid for advocating tech, when my true technological fascination is inter-war whisks. (They are gorgeous though, the way they spin, so smoooooth.)
Task: Rent out house.
Progress to date: Who cares? Yawn. House moving / renting / hunting / anything is recognised as the dullest topic on Earth so let’s not go there.
Task: Get used to calling Johannesburg ‘Jozi’ cos that’s what the locals call it, but it just feels sooo pretentious, y’know? Also, pronounce the letter ‘a’ as ‘e’. So, traditionally blacks become blecks. Cats become cets. It’s not original but it’s still funny.
Progress to date: 0
Task: Get divorced; please God.
Progress to date: 9. So close, so close. Surely only £n more (where ‘n’ = apparently any abitrary amount conjured by solicitor) and within the month I can just be another sorry statistic that the Daily Mail can pour vitriol upon. Hah! Bring’em on, and their fat, balding middle aged husbands! I’d be bitter if I was a Daily Mail wife.
A bit of context would probably make the whole thing a bit clearer, I’m aware. Next post…..